epic fail

So, yeah, I failed. On all counts! This was a bad week. :/ I’m going to try again. I had a good breakfast this morning, so hopefully that will help. I’ll have some fruit at work too, to keep blood sugar levels normal. Well, we’ll see how it goes, anyway.

my name is kira, and i’m a sugar-holic

That might sound trite, or even like a mockery of a “real” addiction, but it is the unshakeable truth.

I’m working really hard to eat well, to eat clean. And for the most part, it’s been easy & tasty doing so. I really enjoy cooking my own meals, and making sure they’re well-balanced. Fats and salts don’t tempt me, neither do starchy foods like potatoes and corn. See, it’s not natural sugars I crave. I want processed, white sugar.

I really and truly believe that refined sugar is addictive, and a quick Google search confirms that I am not alone in this belief. Most articles about overcoming sugar addiction are a little too granola for me (I actually like granola, but you know what I mean), but I get the basic thrust of it. The thing is, your body is programmed to want sugar. Overcoming that desire is like conquering yourself. Most sites advocate cutting it out entirely. As I have said on my other blog, I don’t want to do that. What I want is to kick that addiction’s ass, and to learn how to partake occasionally without totally succumbing. There are lots of people who do it, why can’t I?

This woman explains it well:

1. Your body should be in homeostasis, meaning your blood sugar is balanced.
2. When you eat refined sugar products, your blood sugar rises.
3. To get it back to normal, your pancreas releases insulin. Sometimes too much insulin is released, which gives you low blood sugar.
4. Then you feel hungry, or irritable, or tired, and you crave sugar. Return to #1.

I’ve had a high sugar diet for years, so my pancreas produces mass amounts of insulin, which gives me low blood sugar and makes me feel hungry and crave sugar. When I go through withdrawal, it’s because my body still thinks it needs to be making insulin even though it doesn’t, and so I get fooled into thinking I need sugar. I don’t.

So, I’m going off sugar for 7 days. That’s my decision. I am announcing it here, and will announce it again if I fail. No sugar, or sugar substitutes, for 7 days. I’ll continue to eat fruit, but no corn/potatoes/high fructose corn syrup/maltitol/aspartame/sucralose/SUGAR for 7 days. No Stevia, either. I want to get used to the taste of real food! After 7 days are up, I will have ONE small-sized treat with sugar. If I can make it through the following 32 hours without sugar again, I will consider myself in control of myself. If not, I’ll go without sugar for 14 days and try again!

So, to recap, big fitness changes started in the past week:

1. Running or other intense cardio for at least 45 minutes three times a week.
2. No refined sugar, period.

things i learned this morning

1. We have a worm/caterpillar/centipede or something similar infestation in our laundry room. Ew.
2. Apparently I haven’t been paying for my gym membership, and now can’t go back without paying for it.
3. Running outside is much, much harder than running on a treadmill.
4. Sometimes blenders explode for no good reason.
5. I really like Green Monster Smoothies.

my ass jiggles with sorrow

Being sad makes you fat, and being fat makes you sad. How unfair! I wish I could be one of those people who expresses frustration through throwing oneself into work (or workouts, as it were). Unfortunately, I’m not. Being sad makes me sedentary.

On the plus side, I have stopped “sadness binging.” This is a good thing. For about a few days after entering Phase 3 of the HcG protocol, I binged and gained. I realised that my grandma wouldn’t want me eating myself into oblivion, but I knew the HcG diet worried her too. So I started eating clean – and I feel so much better! I’ve been staying within the 1000-1200 calorie range, and have dropped back down to my HcG end weight. So, that’s good. The issue now is getting out and moving.

Sulking won’t banish the jiggles, and neither will diet. I need to push myself physically. And I think that will help my emotional state too. After all, sloth breeds discontent.

PS Yes, I am aware that the real saying is “familiarity breeds discontent.” I just like saying “breeds discontent.”

urgh

Dealing with my grandmother’s illness (and now inevitable eventual death) has me self-sabotaging a lot. This happened when my Mor-Mor died, about six years ago, too. I think, I’m a little older now, and I can handle it better, but I do predict a few weeks (at least) of paralysing depression when she does pass…

She was a great woman. I wish more people could remember her.